As summer comes to an end, the start of a new school year can bring a mix of excitement, nervousness, and uncertainty. A new teacher, classroom, routine, or set of academic expectations can feel overwhelming for children.
Some children say “I don’t want to go to school,” while others show it through irritability, trouble sleeping, stomachaches, or clinginess. These reactions are a normal part of adjusting to change, and there’s a lot parents and caregivers can do to help kids feel more prepared and confident.
The goal isn’t to prevent anxiety altogether. It’s to help children learn that they can feel uncomfortable and still have the tools to work through it.
Start With Validation
When your child says they’re nervous, it’s tempting to respond with “Don’t worry, everything will be fine!” But that can come across as dismissive of the big feelings they’re having. Start by acknowledging the feeling instead.
Try saying:
- “It makes sense that you’re feeling nervous. You’re starting something new.”
- “I can see why that feels a little scary.”
- “We can figure out what might help you feel more prepared.”
Helping your child name what specifically worries them opens the door to problem-solving together. Research on school transitions suggests that children can experience increased anxiety during periods of change, which makes supportive preparation especially valuable (Neal et al., 2016).
Build Coping Skills Together
Coping skills work best when children have practiced them before they’re needed. Try these when your child is calm, so they feel familiar when big emotions show up.
5-4-3-2-1 Grounding
Ask your child to name 5 things they can see, 4 they can hear, 3 they can feel, 2 they can smell, and 1 they can taste or imagine tasting. Make it playful, practicing in the car, on a walk, or at bedtime.
Mindfulness-based strategies like this one show promise for supporting children’s emotional regulation and reducing symptoms of anxiety, although findings vary across studies (Phan et al., 2022; Monsillion et al., 2023). School-based interventions that teach skills related to emotional regulation and coping have also shown potential for preventing or reducing anxiety and depression in children and adolescents (Caldwell et al., 2019).
Deep Breathing
For younger kids, try “smell the flower, blow out the candle”: breathe in slowly through the nose and out through the mouth. Bubbles, a pinwheel, or pretending to blow up a balloon work well too. Deep breathing has been shown to reduce children’s anxiety in stressful situations, including test-taking, and is a great way to ground themselves (Khng, 2017).
A Quiet Fidget
A small fidget, such as putty, a stress ball, or a sensory toy, can help some children, though the research is mixed and fidgets can be distracting for others (Graziano et al., 2020). More broadly, research on sensory-based interventions suggests that these strategies may be helpful for some children, but their effectiveness can vary depending on the child and the intervention being used (Piller et al., 2025). If it helps your child, loop in their teacher on when and how to use it.
Once your child has a few tools, turn them into a simple plan they can picture using:
“When I feel worried at school, I can…”
- Take three slow breaths.
- Try 5-4-3-2-1 grounding.
- Use my fidget if it’s allowed.
- Ask a trusted adult for help.
- Remind myself: “I can handle this feeling.”
Having a plan, even a short one, helps kids feel more prepared when difficult emotions arise. Research on school-based interventions supports teaching children practical coping and emotional regulation skills as part of broader efforts to support mental health (Caldwell et al., 2019).
Make the Unknown More Familiar
A little preparation can go a long way. If you can, practice parts of the school routine before the first day: drive by the school, visit the classroom, meet the teacher, organize supplies, or run through the morning routine. Gradually shifting bedtime and wake-up times to match the school schedule helps too. The goal isn’t to make everything perfect; it’s just to make the unknown feel a little more familiar.
Research on supporting children through school transitions suggests that preparation and transition-focused support can play an important role in helping children manage anxiety during periods of change (Neal et al., 2016).
Notice Progress, Not Just Anxiety
Your child may still have a hard morning, cry at drop-off, or come home exhausted. That’s okay: transitions take time.
Instead of focusing only on whether they felt anxious, notice the moments they worked through it:
- “You were really nervous this morning, and you still walked into school.”
- “You were frustrated with your homework, and you took a break and came back to it.”
These moments teach an important lesson: I can feel nervous and still be brave.
Keep Checking In
“How was school?” usually gets a one-word answer without any elaboration, so try more specific questions instead:
- “What was one good part of your day?”
- “What felt difficult?”
- “What helped when something felt hard?”
- “Is there anything you want help with tomorrow?”
One check-in I like to use with clients is rose, thorn, and bud: a rose is something good that happened, a thorn is something that needs work or support, and a bud is something they’re looking forward to or want to try differently. It’s an easy way for kids to open up about how they’re really feeling.
When to Reach Out
Back-to-school season isn’t about creating a perfectly calm child. It’s about helping children understand their emotions, build coping skills, and gain confidence in handling new experiences. If anxiety starts to significantly interfere with your child’s ability to attend school, sleep, socialize, or take part in everyday activities, it’s worth reaching out to their teacher, school counselor, pediatrician, or a mental health professional.
Big feelings are a normal part of growing up, and learning to work through them is a skill kids carry with them far beyond the classroom.